Mistake 1: Haven’t Figured Out How to “Love Me Some Me”
In order to attract love into your life, it’s important to improve the relationship you have with yourself. If you love yourself and have confidence in who you are, then you will begin to send a signal to others that you have value and deserve respect. An improved sense of self will lead you to a more fulfilling love life loving yourself first sends a clear message that you are to be recognized, celebrated, appreciated and loved. If you don’t truly know yourself and what you want out of relationship, how can you attract the right man into your life? Before you can truly know what you want out of a relationship, you have to have a sense of what your needs and wants are and what truly makes you happy. Commit to developing a relationship with yourself. Learn to say no to others so you can spend more time learning and meeting your needs. Commit time to doing things that you enjoy that are just for you. Make yourself a priority in your life!
Mistake 2: Spend Their Best Years Pursuing an Education and Career Goals Not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age
A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career. I believe (and of course I could be wrong) that a man would more likely be with a young, attractive woman that is less educated and makes him feel good (in terms of stroking his ego) then an average looking woman with a great career and education.) If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile. If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let you looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill. Note: In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man.
Mistake 3: Waste Too Much Time with Unavailable Men
When dating, there are certain relationships that are harmful and downright dangerous. These are relationships with unavailable men―the men who are not available or ready to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. This type of relationship has very little chance of long-term success. Many older wiser women have already been down this road, and they know better than to get involved with an unavailable man, but many younger women spend too many months and years with men that are unavailable. In my book, Why I Love Men, The Joys of Dating, I discuss the five types of unavailable men and clues to identify the unavailable man.
Mistake 4: Only DATE One Man at a Time
If you are not in a committed exclusive relationship, you should continue to have several guys as available date options. Having several men to date will build your confidence and self-esteem. It will allow you to hone your dating skills, such as improving your communication style on dates. We can date many men and enjoy their company until we find someone worth having a meaningful relationship with. If you meet a guy you like, don’t get rid of the others and focus all of your energy and efforts on the one man you like. It’s ok to have a prioritized order of the guys that you’re dating, and as you meet new guys that you like more, you just remove the least favorite date from the rotation. If the guy at the top of the list doesn’t call you, one of the others likely will. I would encourage you to learn to simply enjoy the company of men. Remember, I’m encouraging you to DATE, and not to have sex with many men. I’m not trying to encourage promiscuity. That is an individual choice that I personally do not advocate.
Mistake 5: Don’t Know Their Relationship Market Value (RMV)
Before you begin the dating process, it’s important to understand your Relationship Market Value (RMV). Your RMV helps you determine three things: (1) the characteristics that you bring to a relationship that can be of value or benefit to a mate; (2) what type of guys you can attract so that you can focus your efforts on finding that type of man; and (3) if you are ready for a relationship. When determining your Relationship Market Value, you take a close look at your mental/emotional health, financial health, family relationships and other areas of your life, and discover if you are really ready for a relationship. You determine your RMV by looking at the positive traits that you bring to a relationship, while evaluating the negative ones as well (those that may take something away or create challenges in a relationship). Determining your RMV is about being realistic regarding what you will be bringing into a relationship. The RMV Assessment Questionnaire can be completed in my new book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating.
Mistake 6: Underestimate the Importance of Sexy Attire
I know that you must be thinking, ‘If I dress sexy, the only type of man who I will attract is one that wants to have sex with me.’ Well, that is true, but here is a news flash: Men ask women out because they are physically or sexually attracted to them. Of course, he’s asking you out because he wants to have sex with you. But that is the method for how to attract men. I don’t understand it when women say they want a man to love them for who they are. Well of course, but they will never get to know who you are if they are not initially attracted or drawn to us. A man is not going to ask you out if he’s not attracted to your physical appearance. If you don’t attract him or get his attention, you’ll never get a chance to share all the wonderful aspects of your personality. The bottom line is that it’s your exterior that gets his attention, and it is who you are on the inside that keeps him coming back for more.
Mistake 7: Haven’t Learned to Stroke a Man’s Ego
We must to learn to stroke his ego and befriend his ego. The male ego is very fragile and needs to be handled with care. So, be sure to praise and compliment his efforts. If you stroke his ego, it will put him in a position of power, and he will want and feel the need to protect and take care of you. Men like to please their women. If he feel that he cannot please you or meet your needs, his ego won’t allow him to stay. If a woman is never satisfied or unrealistically demanding he may come to realize that he can never please her and simply get tired of trying. If a man does fall in love with you, it is important for him to satisfy you. So, let him know if he makes you happy or satisfies you. If you look up to him and he is your hero, let him know. Be sincere in your praise and compliments. Do not be insincere, but if you’re still with him, there should be something you can find to compliment him on. I know you can find at least one thing that is special about him, even if it’s how funny, witty, smart, stylish, wealthy he is. A man can even perform better on his job if he has a woman at home who supports and believes in him; it will spill over into his confidence at work as well. When he is affirmed by you, he feels he can conquer the world.
Mistake 8: Focus Too Much on Romantic Love
Many women dream of meeting “the one,” getting married, and living happily ever after. As women, we all dream of romance and falling in love with that special person. This type of love is known as Eros love, which is that emotional or romantic love that constitutes the feeling of being “in love. However, there are other types of love that we need in our life, namely Philos love (friendship love) and Agape love (unconditional love). Philos love is about companionship and connecting with people to share life’s journey. Philos love is based on friendship, and friendship is the foundation of successful relationships. Agape love is unconditional love and it is from God. Agape love is above Philos love and Eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, when a person gives love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Too many women only focus on romantic (Eros) love, and they look for a man to “complete” them. However, to feel completely satisfied and fulfilled, we need all three loves to be present in our lives.”
Mistake 9: Don’t Know How to Be Happy Single and Thus Aren’t Likely to Be Happy Married
Women must first learn to be happy without a man. If you are unhappy single, you will likely be unhappy married, except you can then blame your spouse instead of yourself for your unhappiness. I know that if my life isn’t already fulfilled when I meet a man, than neither he nor marriage can make me happy or fulfilled. Nothing outside of YOU can produce long-lasting satisfaction and happiness—no mate, money, job, house or car can produce true fulfillment in life. Being single is the best time to discover what you want out of life and to focus on creating the life you’ve always dreamed of! Maximize your career, interests, hobbies and relationships while you’re single, and make that time the best days of your life. And, when you are living the life you want as a single woman, you will attract the man who is right for you.
Mistake 10: Women Haven’t Adjusted to the New Hypercompetitive Dating Environment That Exists Today (Old Methods Don’t Work)
Today’s dating environment is extremely competitive. The odds are much better for men because they are outnumbered by women in every state, except for Alaska and Nevada. Many of the traditional rules of courtship don’t exist, for better or for worse, women have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. And, if you think about it, most of us have never been taught how to date to find a compatible partner. There was no college course for it. Yes, many women have received advice from family or friends. We may have taken advice from other single women. But most of us are winging it as we go. There are some women who are obviously better at it than others. In Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I’ve consolidated the best strategies that I have learned from friends, relatives and my own experiences and frankly some of the best practical advice that I have ever received and successfully applied to attract the type of men I wanted in my life and they did show up. These strategies have worked for others and they can work for you. You can’t continue doing the same thing and expect different results. It is time to change your approach to dating!
JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at email@example.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJRead more