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The Top 10 Dating Mistakes That Keep Women Single!

Mistake 1: Haven’t Figured Out How to “Love Me Some Me”

In order to attract love into your life, it’s important to improve the relationship you have with yourself. If you love yourself and have confidence in who you are, then you will begin to send a signal to others that you have value and deserve respect. An improved sense of self will lead you to a more fulfilling love life loving yourself first sends a clear message that you are to be recognized, celebrated, appreciated and loved. If you don’t truly know yourself and what you want out of relationship, how can you attract the right man into your life? Before you can truly know what you want out of a relationship, you have to have a sense of what your needs and wants are and what truly makes you happy. Commit to developing a relationship with yourself. Learn to say no to others so you can spend more time learning and meeting your needs. Commit time to doing things that you enjoy that are just for you. Make yourself a priority in your life!

Mistake 2: Spend Their Best Years Pursuing an Education and Career Goals Not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age

A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career. I believe (and of course I could be wrong) that a man would more likely be with a young, attractive woman that is less educated and makes him feel good (in terms of stroking his ego) then an average looking woman with a great career and education.) If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile. If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let you looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill. Note: In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man.

Mistake 3: Waste Too Much Time with Unavailable Men

When dating, there are certain relationships that are harmful and downright dangerous. These are relationships with unavailable men―the men who are not available or ready to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. This type of relationship has very little chance of long-term success. Many older wiser women have already been down this road, and they know better than to get involved with an unavailable man, but many younger women spend too many months and years with men that are unavailable. In my book, Why I Love Men, The Joys of Dating, I discuss the five types of unavailable men and clues to identify the unavailable man.

Mistake 4: Only DATE One Man at a Time

If you are not in a committed exclusive relationship, you should continue to have several guys as available date options. Having several men to date will build your confidence and self-esteem. It will allow you to hone your dating skills, such as improving your communication style on dates. We can date many men and enjoy their company until we find someone worth having a meaningful relationship with. If you meet a guy you like, don’t get rid of the others and focus all of your energy and efforts on the one man you like. It’s ok to have a prioritized order of the guys that you’re dating, and as you meet new guys that you like more, you just remove the least favorite date from the rotation. If the guy at the top of the list doesn’t call you, one of the others likely will. I would encourage you to learn to simply enjoy the company of men. Remember, I’m encouraging you to DATE, and not to have sex with many men. I’m not trying to encourage promiscuity. That is an individual choice that I personally do not advocate.

Mistake 5: Don’t Know Their Relationship Market Value (RMV)

Before you begin the dating process, it’s important to understand your Relationship Market Value (RMV). Your RMV helps you determine three things: (1) the characteristics that you bring to a relationship that can be of value or benefit to a mate; (2) what type of guys you can attract so that you can focus your efforts on finding that type of man; and (3) if you are ready for a relationship. When determining your Relationship Market Value, you take a close look at your mental/emotional health, financial health, family relationships and other areas of your life, and discover if you are really ready for a relationship. You determine your RMV by looking at the positive traits that you bring to a relationship, while evaluating the negative ones as well (those that may take something away or create challenges in a relationship). Determining your RMV is about being realistic regarding what you will be bringing into a relationship. The RMV Assessment Questionnaire can be completed in my new book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating.

Mistake 6: Underestimate the Importance of Sexy Attire

I know that you must be thinking, ‘If I dress sexy, the only type of man who I will attract is one that wants to have sex with me.’ Well, that is true, but here is a news flash: Men ask women out because they are physically or sexually attracted to them. Of course, he’s asking you out because he wants to have sex with you. But that is the method for how to attract men. I don’t understand it when women say they want a man to love them for who they are. Well of course, but they will never get to know who you are if they are not initially attracted or drawn to us. A man is not going to ask you out if he’s not attracted to your physical appearance. If you don’t attract him or get his attention, you’ll never get a chance to share all the wonderful aspects of your personality. The bottom line is that it’s your exterior that gets his attention, and it is who you are on the inside that keeps him coming back for more.

Mistake 7: Haven’t Learned to Stroke a Man’s Ego

We must to learn to stroke his ego and befriend his ego. The male ego is very fragile and needs to be handled with care. So, be sure to praise and compliment his efforts. If you stroke his ego, it will put him in a position of power, and he will want and feel the need to protect and take care of you. Men like to please their women. If he feel that he cannot please you or meet your needs, his ego won’t allow him to stay. If a woman is never satisfied or unrealistically demanding he may come to realize that he can never please her and simply get tired of trying. If a man does fall in love with you, it is important for him to satisfy you. So, let him know if he makes you happy or satisfies you. If you look up to him and he is your hero, let him know. Be sincere in your praise and compliments. Do not be insincere, but if you’re still with him, there should be something you can find to compliment him on. I know you can find at least one thing that is special about him, even if it’s how funny, witty, smart, stylish, wealthy he is. A man can even perform better on his job if he has a woman at home who supports and believes in him; it will spill over into his confidence at work as well. When he is affirmed by you, he feels he can conquer the world.

Mistake 8: Focus Too Much on Romantic Love

Many women dream of meeting “the one,” getting married, and living happily ever after. As women, we all dream of romance and falling in love with that special person. This type of love is known as Eros love, which is that emotional or romantic love that constitutes the feeling of being “in love. However, there are other types of love that we need in our life, namely Philos love (friendship love) and Agape love (unconditional love). Philos love is about companionship and connecting with people to share life’s journey. Philos love is based on friendship, and friendship is the foundation of successful relationships. Agape love is unconditional love and it is from God. Agape love is above Philos love and Eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, when a person gives love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Too many women only focus on romantic (Eros) love, and they look for a man to “complete” them. However, to feel completely satisfied and fulfilled, we need all three loves to be present in our lives.”

Mistake 9: Don’t Know How to Be Happy Single and Thus Aren’t Likely to Be Happy Married

Women must first learn to be happy without a man. If you are unhappy single, you will likely be unhappy married, except you can then blame your spouse instead of yourself for your unhappiness. I know that if my life isn’t already fulfilled when I meet a man, than neither he nor marriage can make me happy or fulfilled. Nothing outside of YOU can produce long-lasting satisfaction and happiness—no mate, money, job, house or car can produce true fulfillment in life. Being single is the best time to discover what you want out of life and to focus on creating the life you’ve always dreamed of! Maximize your career, interests, hobbies and relationships while you’re single, and make that time the best days of your life. And, when you are living the life you want as a single woman, you will attract the man who is right for you.

Mistake 10: Women Haven’t Adjusted to the New Hypercompetitive Dating Environment That Exists Today (Old Methods Don’t Work)

Today’s dating environment is extremely competitive. The odds are much better for men because they are outnumbered by women in every state, except for Alaska and Nevada. Many of the traditional rules of courtship don’t exist, for better or for worse, women have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. And, if you think about it, most of us have never been taught how to date to find a compatible partner. There was no college course for it. Yes, many women have received advice from family or friends. We may have taken advice from other single women. But most of us are winging it as we go. There are some women who are obviously better at it than others. In Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I’ve consolidated the best strategies that I have learned from friends, relatives and my own experiences and frankly some of the best practical advice that I have ever received and successfully applied to attract the type of men I wanted in my life and they did show up. These strategies have worked for others and they can work for you. You can’t continue doing the same thing and expect different results. It is time to change your approach to dating!

JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at info@jjsmithonline.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJ

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Top 8 Things to Never Say on a First Date!

The first date is one of the most important events in a new relationship. First dates are important because they can either make a man eager to see you again or make him run for the highway. Know that your communication is key to making him interested in seeing you again.

Considering the location of the first date is one of the most critical decisions that need to be made. The first date location will affect the way you interact with each other so be sure to find an environment where you’ll both feel relaxed and comfortable. The other critical factor in a successful first date is your conversation, which should be light and upbeat to complete the overall first date experience.

When communicating on a first date, it is important to let a guy get to know you before you begin to share too many details about your views and your past. For most of us, the rough times in our lives have allowed us to grow and become the people we are today. However, until someone gets to know you, they may not understand or may pass judgments on some your past mistakes. Here are some tips for what NOT to talk about on your first date:

  • Getting Married: It scares men to get married to someone they love. This is definitely not a conversation he wants to have with a woman he barely knows.
  • Your Kids: You love your kids and they interest you. However, to a man, this just indicates increased responsibility or baby daddy drama
  • Your Horrible Childhood: Don’t seek pity for injustices in your past; it will make you appear hurt, wounded and in need of healing.
  • Ex-Boyfriends: This is a no-win situation. If you say something positive about an ex-boyfriend, a man will feel threatened or discouraged. If you say how he cheated on you constantly, he will think you are weak and a pushover. The truth is that there’s no good outcome likely to result from talking about an ex on the first date.
  • Politics: People are generally passionate about their political beliefs, and these conversations can wait until later.
  • Death or Depressing Events: Do I even need to explain why you shouldn’t talk about death or depressing news? Emotionally charged topics such as death are too heavy to discuss on a first date. The goal is to keep the conversation upbeat and light and death and depressing events just brings everyone down.
  • Sex: If you start a conversation about sex, the guy will take it over and won’t be able to focus on any other topic for the rest of the night. There needs to be some things that are mysterious about you. Talking details about sex takes some of the intrigue and mystique away from the actual sexual encounter.
  • Therapy or Rehab: He doesn’t need to know how well your therapy or rehab sessions are going. He also doesn’t need to know that you had a nervous breakdown (if you did), at least not on the first date.

JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at info@jjsmithonline.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJ

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Ladies: If You Go To Work Everyday, Here’s the 10 Best Places to Meet Men!

Today there are so many ways to meet and date men. With online dating, personal matchmakers, speed dating and other methods, you should be able to increase the quantity of men you meet fairly quickly. So, in this blog, I wanted to focus on the 10 best locations related to men and their work. These locations include conferences, associations or seminars men attend to enhance their careers. Since so many of us devote so much time to work-related activities, these are great places to meet men!

  •  The Office: One good thing about meeting men at the office is that they have already been pre-screened by the personnel/HR department. Thus, there’s no better place than the office to meet single, successful men with similar interests and skills. To get to know co-workers, plan social activities at the job such as monthly happy hours and football or basketball pools. This will allow you to interact with a lot of men when you plan these activities. So don’t just participate in these activities, but plan and coordinate these events as well.
    • Industry Association Meetings: If you don’t want to date men at your current job, then attend industry events to network and meet new men. For instance, each industry has associations that gather regularly to advance knowledge sharing in a particular field. As an example, I’ve found that the annual conference of the National MBA Association is an awesome place to meet professional men.
    • Public Transportation: Millions of individuals use public transportation each day. As a result, there is a great chance of meeting someone on your way to and from work. You’re not likely to meet anyone sitting in your car
    • Business Conferences: If you’ve been meaning to do some networking as a way of boosting your career, here’s some added motivation―business conferences and professional seminars are filled with ambitious men looking to advance their careers. Be sure to strike up a conversation with a man while there to build your confidence and meet someone new for networking or dating.
    •  Hotel Bars: Hotel bars are a perfect place to meet business executives and other successful professionals looking to kill some time when they’re out of town on business travel.
    • Planes & Trains: Planes and trains are full of men traveling for business. In fact, you could meet many diverse men from across the country in airports. In the winter months, delayed travel causes even more opportunities to meet and greet new men. In certain regions in the country, trains are very popular for business travel, such as on the northeast corridor.
    • Join a Country Club: If you can afford it, join a country club which will provide great business contacts. In addition, most members of country clubs are men. Throughout the year, most country clubs sponsor golf and tennis events, which are even open to non-members. The more expensive the country club, the more exclusive the members will be. If you can afford it, this is well worth the investment. If you can’t afford to join, then offer to volunteer at their sponsored golf or tennis events as this will give you sufficient time to mingle and get to know some of the members.
    • Downtown Business Districts: During lunch, dinner, happy hour, and sometimes breakfast, these areas are often the central hub of business activity. If you typically eat at your desk, try to go out for lunch as much as possible―especially in the spring, summer and fall. The more you dine out, the better chance you have of meeting new people.
    • Male Dominated Jobs: Military bases, high-tech companies, fire/police departments, construction sites and legal or financial firms are all male dominated. If you’re searching for a job and have the skills to work in these areas, be sure to target them in particular.
  • Join Toastmasters: At some point in a man’s career, he may attend a public speaking group, such as Toastmasters, to hone his presentation skills. Toastmasters holds weekly meetings to help members improve their speaking and communication skills. This isn’t to say that women don’t attend Toastmasters; however, many clubs also have plenty of men who also belong. You can visit various clubs and pick one or more that you want to join.
    The important thing to remember is that meeting a man can happen at any time, any where or any place, so always be prepared. And remember, never give up on love because love never fails!

JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at info@jjsmithonline.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJ

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The Number 1 Reason Why You Don’t Meet More Men

“Hanging Out” with a group of women limits your ability to meet men and may be the number 1 reason you do not meet more men when you go out. Now if you want to have a girls night out, by all means do so, and enjoy the company of your sisters. But you should limit the number of women you hang out with in one setting when you purposely want to meet more men. The number one reason for this is that men will be less inclined to approach you if you’re with a larger group. Men have a fear of being rejected, and it’s even worse to be rejected in front of several women. Try to hang out with one woman at best when you’re “man hunting,” and even if you do hang out with one woman, don’t stay glued to her all night. Just plan on connecting at a pre-arranged time but MINGLE ALONE. You will be much more approachable to men if you are by yourself. If you are out to meet men with a bunch of women, free yourself from the pack, be confident and go mingle alone. Give this strategy a try, and I think you’ll see that it increases the number of men you meet while you’re out.

Additionally, maybe you have a girlfriend who you’ve come to know, and you realize that she is a little strange. Please spend quality time with her in your girls’ one-on-one time, like when you’re going to the mall. Odd women really turn men off, and everyone else for that matter. They dress bad when they hang out, they diss a man every time he opens his mouth, or they sit at a table and play games on their phone the whole time you’re out. These women are challenged interpersonally, and they need to work on their social skills before they’re ready to hang out and meet guys with you.

Most women have a more attractive or drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend that they hang out with. This situation can be overcome in several ways so that you can get your fair share of attention. First, having a gorgeous friend is good because she can get you into VIP rooms and open up other opportunities to meet more guys. One thing to remember is that there are a lot of men who know they don’t stand a chance with her, so they will go to the woman they feel is more approachable, which may be you. The other thing to do is to hang out with friends who have a different look or style than you; that way, you’ll each attract different types of men. One of my girlfriends is earthy and Afrocentric, with natural hair; she attracts guys that I generally do not.

Let’s say you’re looking to meet men and you have a girlfriend who is a cockblocker. You know, this is the type of woman who says something negative about every guy who wants to talk to you. Be sure to separate yourself from her so guys stand a chance of talking to you. Sometimes a girlfriend can simply be too clingy. When I go out, I like to meet men. My book is called, Why I Love Men. So, clingy girlfriends don’t give me a time to mingle and enjoy male companionship. So, mingle alone and meet up with your girlfriends at pre-arranged timeframes and notice how many more men you meet!

JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at info@jjsmithonline.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJ

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Are You Still Single: It May Be Time for a Beauty Transformation (Without Cosmetic Surgery)

A beauty transformation is an integral part of your dating action plan. A beauty transformation is about maximizing your physical beauty to the fullest. Your transformation is about making the most of whatever God has given you to work with and improving the aspects of your appearance that are within your control (weight, fitness, overall health, hair, skin, etc.). It is about dressing in a manner that allows you to show off your best assets, whether that be your legs, cleavage, butt, face or hair. I don’t mean getting oversized boobs or other types of drastic cosmetic surgery, but maximizing your physical attributes/features to always look your best.

If you want to enjoy a vibrant dating life, you may need to undergo a beauty transformation as described in Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating. In the book, I share techniques that any woman can use to look and feel her best—and maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery.

Her 10 steps to a beauty transformation are:

  • Seek professional advice from a personal image consultant. Objective feedback from someone in the know is the place to start.
  • Learn to dress for your body type. There’s no single standard of beauty and there are dozens of body types and shapes. Select clothes to accentuate your assets, but realize what works for someone else may not be right for you.
  • Purchase attractive attire. Shop with a clear focus and direction—be deliberate in getting clothes that match your body assets. To achieve a look of sexy, casual and chic one may try fitted jeans, sexy tops and push-up bras.
  • Upgrade your hairstyle. Go to www.hairstyler.com and upload your photo and try on various hairstyles to see how they look on you.
  • Go for a face makeover. Learn how to effectively apply make-up and which colors look best on you. Ensure a fresh and modern look by consulting a department store for a free cosmetic makeover.
  • Leverage hair, skin and nail vitamins. Taking daily multivitamins is a good start, but explore others like niacin and biotin to help the skin and hair
  • Develop a skin care routine. Getting facials, using a moisturizer and a daily face peel are vital. A good objective site with cosmetic product reviews is: www.makeupalley.com.
  • Reshape your eyebrows. The shape of your eyebrows will help define your entire face. Pick an eyebrow shape that matches our facial features. A good brow shaping can enhance your face shape and contours.
  • Maintain an exercise routine to look and feel better; Complement a solid exercise routine with a healthy diet.
  • In addition to focusing on outward beauty, apply the same rigor to maintaining optimal inner health using various techniques to reduce aging, ensure a strong immune system, and maintain energy, health and vitality.

    It is important to remember that men ask women out because they are physically or sexually attracted to them. Therefore, a beauty transformation is one the most effective methods for attracting men. I don’t understand it when women say they want a man to love them for who they are. Well of course, but they will never get to know who you are if they are not initially attracted or drawn to us. A man is not going to ask you out if he’s not pleased with your physical appearance. If you don’t attract him or get his attention, you’ll never get a chance to share all the wonderful aspects of your personality. The bottom line is that it’s your exterior that gets his attention, and it is who you are on the inside that keeps him coming back for more. So, take time to focus on your physical appearance by completing a beauty transformation!

JJ Smith (www.JJSmithOnline.com) is a nutritionist and certified weight-management specialist who has been featured on The Montel Williams Show, The Jamie Foxx Show and on the NBC, FOX, CBS and CW networks. Her advice has also been featured in the pages of Glamour, Essence, and Ladies Home Journal. Since reclaiming her health, losing weight, and discovering a “second youth” in her forties, bestselling author JJ Smith has become the voice of inspiration to women who want to lose weight, be healthy, and get their sexy back! JJ may be contacted by email at info@jjsmithonline.com and on Twitter: jjsmithonline and Facebook Page: RealTalkJJ

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